A Collection of Personal
Stories from God’s Children
Printed copies of Silent Voices are available
by request.
Four new stories
were added in May of 2007.
Moved by the Spirit
by Rev. Dr.
I’ll
never forget the day Randy came into my life and the life of our congregation.
It was a Maundy Thursday evening service and we had gathered to remember Jesus’
time with his disciples before his death. It was the time when Jesus washed
their feet to remind them of the depth of his love and then He broke bread and
instituted what we know as the Last Supper. I remember that evening because
Randy, a guest I had never before met, came in late and was sitting at the end
of our table. He was the first person to receive a symbolic hand-washing. When
I took his hands he looked me deeply in the eyes and began to weep and I was
deeply moved by what God was doing in that moment in our lives. I watched as
Randy turned and washed the hands of another member, a woman he had never met.
She wept as Randy washed her hands.
Later that evening Randy introduced himself to me
and told me openly he was gay and looking for a place where he would be
accepted and could grow in his faith. “I found it,” he told me. I watched him
move across the room to talk with the woman who had been sitting next to him
and I began to grow tense because this woman had been in my office numerous
times strongly but politely telling me there was no room for gay persons in the
church. I wondered what would happen when Randy met her and whether Randy would
tell her the same story he had just told me. I prayed silently that God would
break through this barrier that had too long divided good Christian people.
That
was the beginning of an incredible journey for us with Randy. I watched how
Randy and other gay women and men quietly demonstrated their deep faith in
Christ and how many of our members, like the woman at the worship service, who
had been so adamant about keeping people out of the church slowly began to get
to know the very persons who had once brought only fear and anger. It was also
an incredible journey for me – one in which I began to learn the importance of
leaving judgment to God and acknowledging it was my responsibility and
privilege to invite and welcome all persons into the family of God.
About
a year after that first Maundy Thursday service, I watched a woman rise and go
to a microphone in a worship service as we shared our joys and concerns with
one another before prayer. She testified that day the impact Randy had upon her
life and how she had seen and experienced Jesus in him in ways never before
experienced. It was a Pentecost moment – a moment when
the Holy Spirit broke through long-standing barriers and helped us all
understand what grace was all about. I long for that day in our world and in
the Church I love.
Shalom,
My Involvement with Homosexual Ministries
by Rev.
I do not recall knowing any homosexuals or
hearing any discussion about homosexuality when I was growing up. Through the years I began to understand the
reason. By necessity they were invisible. During my college years I met a
homosexual and then during my seminary days when I was a student pastor of
United Methodist Churches I met more. They confided in me and sought counsel.
My awareness of homosexuals has continued to grow. I think it may just be a
matter of being a pastor who tried to stay open to the leadership of God’s
Spirit in dealing with people.
I regret that as a young pastor I told those
who came for my counsel to bridle their homosexual feelings. I even quoted the Bible telling them it was
wrong. I am sorry for this and beg for
God’s mercy and forgiveness because in the middle years of my pastorates I took
time to study homosexuality in the Bible and discovered that I had been wrong.
I was simply reflecting what I had heard and not what was true. I even became the pastor of churches that had
been served by a homosexual pastor and helped the members grapple with some of
the issues. I might add that the
homosexual was a very gifted pastor who remained invisible in order to serve in
the
In recent years since my retirement I have had
more time to work with individuals, families and friends who are going through
emotional and spiritual crises. Consequently, pastors under appointment who do
not have time to counsel over a long period of time, often refer families of,
and homosexuals themselves to me for help. This has worked well for many
homosexuals both gay and lesbian as well as their families and friends. They have received so much help that they
have begun Grace for All a ministry to inform, support, accept, include,
advocate, and strategize not only for gays and lesbians but for all who may be
involved. Many people are being touched
and helped by learning to deal positively with this concern.
Currently, there are single high school and college age lesbians
and gays, long term partners, parents, friends, former spouses and even
children attending Grace for All because their spiritual
needs simply are not being met in their churches. Unfortunately, the gays and
lesbians are often reprimanded by their churches and told to change and not
allowed to serve in any capacities within their churches. At the very best, they are allowed to sit in
the back inconspicuously and unnoticed.
It is easy to see why sexual attraction must be brought up and placed on
the table of churches. Churches and
their communities simply do not change until injustices and oppressions are
made clear. Homosexuals can no longer be taken for granted for they are our
sisters and brothers in Christ; as, Ann Thomas Cook has written, “And God Loves
Each One.”
I have learned that homosexuals can not choose
their sexual attraction anymore than heterosexuals can choose their sexual
attraction. Nor should there be any reason for anyone to want or need to try to
change their sexual attraction. This is simply the way we are. I have also learned that just as
heterosexuals have life long partners; so, do homosexuals. In fact one of the
primary motivations for my involvement with homosexual ministries is because I
want each person to have the opportunity to have a life long partner to love
just as my wife and I have. Of course not everyone may have the opportunity to
have a partner or to be married. Some simply choose to be celibate. But I have learned that the Bible is
supportive of all of these persons.
I believe that I am privileged as I continue
to learn much from ministering with homosexuals, their families and friends in
the church; therefore, I am
thoroughly committed, as a follower of Jesus, to share what I am
learning. I have also come to realize,
that it may be beneficial for the entire church to learn from and appreciate
homosexuals, especially from those who follow Jesus and long to worship and
serve in His Church today.
My Story
by
My faith has always been a part of who I am, as much a part of me as my eye color, my race or
my sexual orientation. I grew up in a Christian home. Every Sunday I would
attend church with my parents, my brothers and sister. The hour before worship
you would find me in Sunday School, sometimes even
playing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” on the piano at the beginning of
class. I sang my first solo in church when I was ten, and I joined the Adult
Church Choir at the ripe old age of twelve. If you asked me what I wanted to be
when I grew up, my answer was quick and sure: “I want to be a minister.”
I felt secure in that calling until I recognized my sexual orientation
and what it meant for my journey of faith. I am a man who loves God… and I am a
man who is emotionally and physically attracted to other men. I struggled with
reconciling those two facts during much of my adolescence. How could I be a
minister and be gay at the same time? I just couldn’t see that happening. At least, not within the Church as I knew it in the late 1970’s
(and honestly, I can say the same thing now, 30 years later.) And so I struggled, keeping most of the anguish inside of me.
It wasn’t your typical teenage angst. I was painfully aware of what was at
stake: my calling, my long-range goals, the approval of family and friends, my relationship with God.
It took time, the wise counsel of mentors,
reading the Bible and the writings of good Christian leaders, and lots of
prayer. However, I made it to the Promised Land. I began to understand that God
created me and loves me just as I am. I am no better --- and I am no worse ---
than anyone else in the Church. We all have fallen short of what God ultimately
intended us to be. But with God’s grace, we all are drawn into relationship
with God, called to be authentic in our journey of faith.
In my journey, I was blessed to find Christian
communities that celebrated the inclusive love of God. Yet even in those
communities, I have sometimes felt the sting of being rejected or marginalized.
In June 1998 I attended the Peninsula Delaware Annual Conference. I listened to
resolutions that would prohibit commitment ceremonies for gay couples and would
bar “practicing homosexuals” from ordained ministry. Obviously that hit a nerve
for me. But what saddened me more was the argument that the Church did not need
to deal with the issue because “there aren’t any homosexuals in the
I can sing in the choir, but I cannot be a
full, participatory member of the Church? Unbelievable that someone should say
that? Perhaps, but the
I don’t know where my journey will take me
next. I do know these things. I believe in a God who loved us enough to send
Jesus to save us. I believe that God doesn’t change. The God of the Old
Testament is the same as the God of the New Testament, is the same as the God
of today. However, I believe that our understanding of God does change. When we
consider the sweep of the salvation story, we see that God’s love is offered to
an ever-expanding portion of creation: first the Israelites, then the Gentiles
and the Samaritans, then to “Greek and Jew, slave and free man, male and
female, for all are one in Jesus Christ” (paraphrase, Galatians 3:28). I
believe that God continues to reach out to the last, the least and the lost… to
the gay man, the lesbian woman, even the homophobe! Indeed, God’s love and
grace is for ALL.
Written from a Mother’s Heart
by Krista Gilmore
Many years ago, I received the book “A Mother’s
Heart” as a Christmas gift. One of my
sisters gave it to me when my oldest son was a toddler – this sister, so quiet
and reserved, recognized that young mothers needed spiritual nourishment. I still have the copy of the book and it is
tucked away in my keepsake box of precious memories.
Although I cherish the book because of the
giver, I just simply like the title.
What do you think of when you hear the phrase a “mother’s heart”? Love, compassion, and
patience? How about accepting, brave, and steadfast? I believe that a mother’s heart is shaped by
the children God blesses her with – we learn, grow, and change through the
experiences and challenges we encounter.
I am now the proud mother of three sons, ages 23, 19, and 14. I love each one with all of my heart. They are miracles … blessings … extensions of
the loving bond between my husband and me.
Four years ago, our oldest son told my husband
and me that he was gay. Not quite the
words that my “mother’s heart” was prepared to receive. I was not shocked; I had suspected for about a
year that my son was gay. During that 
year I prayed for God to change my son; so, when the truth was
finally revealed I was angry – not at my son, but at God. How could He do this to our family? Hadn’t we done all the right things? And, as much as I hated to admit it, what
were people at church going to say? I
experienced a crisis in my faith – one that I hope I never have to go through
again.
You know what happens when your faith is
shaken to the core? When it is stripped
to the roots? There’s nothing left … but
Jesus. Jesus, my Savior and friend since
childhood, was there and he heard my cries, felt my pain, and brought me
comfort. Jesus, who sought out the
least, the last, and the lost, saved me once again. And for the first time in my life, I truly
believed that Jesus was all I ever needed.
Fully opening my heart to Jesus left room for so much more: God worked
with me and through me to help me accept my son just as he was created and to
love him unconditionally.
Today our family picture looks different than
what I had imagined in earlier years.
Our oldest son is in a loving, committed relationship. His partner is everything a mother could hope
for in a mate for her child – they both bring a new dimension of joy to our
family, including his lovely parents and grandmother (and did I mention the
grand-dogs?). God has blessed us and we
are thankful for His loving care and watch over us. My “mother’s” heart overflows with love for
God and my family.
As God has changed and expanded my heart, He
has also planted seeds of yearning and longing.
Today, my heart yearns for the time when my entire family can freely
worship together in church without fear of rejection. My heart longs for the day when Christian
communities can lovingly, faithfully, and intelligently discuss (not debate)
homosexuality, recognizing the pain inflicted upon our gay and lesbian brothers
and sisters in Christ and their families.
My heart yearns for the day when I can hold another mother’s hand and
let her know that I understand. But more
than anything, my heart longs for the day when Christians can reach out to each
other in love, compassion, and comfort just as Jesus did to me.
But By the Grace of God
by
My coming out story is so very different from most people that I
personally know; but, if the truth be told, I’m sure I’m not alone. I was raised in a very loving, wonderful and
authentically Christian home. The love
of Jesus Christ was not only taught in my home and in my church, but lived out
daily by those closest to me. For many,
many years I didn't know that I was gay.
I knew from early on that I "felt" things, which in my very
fundamental Christian mind, were not okay to feel for other girls. As a pre-teen and young teen I had a several
relationships with other girls my age that I guess could be referred to as
“experimental” – the type of “experimenting” most adolescent boys and girls
encounter with one another during this hormone-driven period of our lives. But that was all there was to it…I also
flirted with and dated the boys my age.
From the time I was a little girl, I knew that
the expectation for me was to find that “perfect mate” and settle down raising
a family, which after some very tumultuous teenage years, is exactly what I
attempted. My high school years were filled with excessive partying,
promiscuity and indifference to Christ. To this day I still feel sorrow over
the choices I made and the resulting pain and tears that it brought my parents.
But, by His grace, God turned me around and I recommitted my life to
Christ. After graduation I headed 1200
miles from home to attend a Christian college.
While there, I dated and eventually married a young man from my home
church who was also attending the same school.
I was twenty years old at the time.
We both felt that God had placed a call on our lives and together we set
out to pursue a future in full time ministry. Things were rough for us
relationally right from the beginning. We
moved from
Eventually, I found myself married again to a
wonderful man and together we started our family, raising two beautiful and
amazing little boys. But in the midst of
being happily married I would often have these profound feelings of being
incomplete... a sense of something missing in my life, yet I had no idea what
it was. How could this be? I had married a wonderful devoted man, we had
two precious children, I had experienced a fulfilling career in the corporate
world, was now serving and thoroughly enjoying a part-time ministry staff
position at our church, and I loved my full-time job as a stay-at-home
mom. I also knew it wasn't a lack of God
(you know, that "God-sized whole in your heart that only Jesus can
fill"?) because I knew I had given my heart and life to Christ and I had
found a renewed and revitalized life in Him.
My relationship with Christ was blossoming and growing like it never had
before. In fact, I felt I was at a place of intimacy with Christ that I had
never experienced…. when I realized I was in love with another woman.
I didn’t want to admit it, but those old
feelings and stirrings that I had experienced as an adolescent had never gone
away. Most of the time I kept them
buried very deep, so deep that I didn't even recognize them for what they were.
Yet I can remember telling myself on numerous occasions in the past "I'm
sure I would have been gay…if I weren't a Christian". The two, in my mind, were incompatible. So when I began wrestling with my feelings,
now as a married Christian woman with kids no less, I was in turmoil! I poured my heart out to God, “help me understand
what is happening” and I prayed that it would all just quietly “go away.” I spent hours reading the scriptures and
anything else I could get my hands on that would arm me with a response to the
attack I was sure I was under. Yet, the more I prayed and the more I read, the
more secure I became in acknowledging what I was experiencing. By the grace of God and with the loving
support of some very caring, praying and spirit-filled friends, I reached a
point where I was able to not only acknowledge but accept my feelings, even
though from a human standpoint I could not explain why God would have allowed
this to "happen" to me.
God has lovingly allowed me to be truthful
with myself and move forward in life the way he designed me to live it out; and
in His love, He has also remained true to His promise to never leave me or
forsake me. Sadly though, I found that
in being so completely truthful, a great deal of pain and hurt could be
inflicted by my church family, my brothers and sisters in Christ. In the midst of the joy and peace of
discovering and being who God made me to be, I have
also been forced to face judgment, rejection and alienation. There are many days that feel like a struggle
to get through - days when I find myself dwelling on what was lost (or no
longer permitted for me); but at the same time, when I recall God’s word “lean
not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will
direct your path” I remember that He is ultimately and always in control. I thank Him for what I have gained in spite
of the difficulties and I see each day as a gift and a blessing, as well as an
opportunity to give back to Him in new and exciting ways. Jesus Christ is still
and will always be the Lord of my life.
My prayer remains, “Lord, let me always be
open to your calling and may my life experiences be used to make a difference
in this world, connecting lost people to You and your
incredible love.”
Musings of a Parent (also a Pastor) of a Gay Son
by Rev.
William Hemphill, Jr.
Nearly
25 years ago, our younger son, then in
In
the next few weeks, we did a lot of heart searching and praying, and we read
some materials he left with us. But we didn’t talk to anyone outside the
immediate family, mainly because everyone we new would have considered
homosexuality sinful and shameful. After all, our 
no one with whom to share his life. But now we
rejoice that he has been in a committed relationship with a man he loves for 14
years, and we have come to think of his partner as partner as part of our
family. They are both successful in
their careers, good persons who care about others in need, and we are proud of
both of them. Despite the fact that our son has been deeply hurt by the
rejection he feels from our denomination, he had not left the Christian faith.
My
regret is that I, as a pastor, was not more open about our son’s sexual
orientation until these past 10 years. I realize now that open conversation
about homosexuality and about how God calls gays as well as so-called straights
to His service can lead to growth and fresh insights for all involved in spite
of emotional conflicts along the way. I pray that God’s Spirit will lead the
whole church to a new day of understanding.
My Story
by Ben Strickland
Hi, my name is Ben Strickland and as hard as
this will be, I want to share my story with you. I was born in
After my freshman year of high school, when I was fifteen, my mom
and I decided to leave my dad. My sister had already moved out. My grandmother
was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not expected to last another year. She
lived in
Through all of this there was one thing
engraved in my mind‑there was something wrong with me! I couldn’t stop
looking at guys! As a young boy, finding Leviticus made me want to kill myself.
If you have ever tried to change your thoughts you will find it almost
imposable to do. I grew tired of all day trying to force myself to change, at
night I would cry out to God, “If I have done something wrong please tell me, I
will do anything, just please make me normal.” I started cutting myself on my
arm. This is hard to explain but I will try. When I would cut myself everything
else would fade away. I wouldn’t think of my messed up family or my life of
“sin” all I would focus on is the small pain on my arm, with the small drop of
blood, it was my comforting distraction.
My mother stayed in
My mom and I moved in with my grandma, and all
our family here has been very helpful. I came out to my mom and grandmother and
found open arms. My dad found out and said I was going to hell (he considers
himself a Christian only if the Bible is in his favor). I have not talked to
him for about two years; last I heard he is living in
Church has always been a major part of my life.
I preached my first sermon when I was eight, and am now one of the interns
working for my youth group at my church (Aldersgate in
Before You Were Formed In Your Mother’s Womb
by
Sandra E. Cox
Heaven
knows my story could go on forever. I am
one of those people who would prefer to go back to the very beginning and share
every detail. However, this is not the
place or the time so I will spare you!
I was
not raised in a conservative Christian home.
We were mostly Christmas/Easter attendees, but God did put a call on my
life quite early. My conservative
beliefs and viewpoints came from the church I attended faithfully and regularly
from the age of 12 until I left to attend a conservative Christian college.
I
have been attracted to females for as long as I can remember. Someone once said that just because I was
attracted to girls doesn’t make it right.
I share this point to reveal that this was part of what “naturally”
occurred to me, just as heterosexuals are naturally attracted to the opposite
sex. They never have to “choose” to be
straight.
Religion
taught me that acting on these desires was not an
option. Therefore, I never even talked
to God about it; I did what I was supposed to do! I chose to marry, to have children. I do not regret any of these
opportunities. I immersed myself in becoming
an authentic follower of Christ. As I
got closer to Him I had to begin dealing with things previously kept
hidden. Ironically, what began this
process was a search that was started by the Senior Pastor and myself (I was
Associate 
Pastor) needing to be on the same page on the
subject of homosexuality prior to the 2004 UMC Conference. Thus began a year and a half of grueling
searching, prayer, and tears. The topic,
however, was never brought up by the Pastor again, until I brought it up 1 ½
years later when I came out, 6 months after leaving my staff position at the
church.
I am
a teacher by my very nature and I always desire to inform. I want people to see the inconsistencies and
errors we make when interpreting scripture – usually because we simply accept
what others say. Gay Christians,
however, by default become almost Biblical scholars; they must simply know the
context, original language, culture, etc. just to survive in Christ’s church,
which was built on “love.”
This
is not about teaching or informing, this is about my story. In a nutshell… before I lived in denial
enshrouded and created by religion. Then
I got even closer to God and let Him touch every part of my life, I risked and
let Him in on my sexuality. This was so
hard because I was ashamed. He held me,
He touched me, and through His word let me see that not only could I, but I
should be who He created me to be. I
continued serving in His church, bearing fruit, using my gifts. Then I “came out,” I shared my soul and God
smiled. But religion said, “no!” it
wanted to define my PERSONAL relationship with Jesus for me. A tear fell from God’s eye as He cried with
me, and He whispered, “Go where I send, the field is ready for harvest, and I
know the plans I have for you!” I am a
daughter of God’s; I will serve His kingdom with dignity not in spite of who I
am but because of who I am!!
I
believe the Bible, it is my guidebook for life, and I do not subtract nor add
to it. The Bible is very clear on the
issue of sexual immorality and this applies whether you are heterosexual or
homosexual. I am a gay Christian and I
have never felt completely whole until I allowed the Holy Spirit to unravel
down to the real God-created me! I thank
God for making me gay! In closing, I
share the words of Patricia Lyons, a celebrated teacher, a monogamous lesbian,
a faithful Christian:
“For
many, I know that this fact will cause confusion about their religious
assumptions, faith commitments, and Biblical convictions. Teachers usually aim to bring people out of
confusion. In this case, however, I
think some confusion might be a good thing for social or religious
conservatives and their ignorance and fears about homosexuality. Who knows, maybe some of them – like the
slave owners, anti-suffragists, or pro-segregationists before them – might have
to face the possibility that much of what they define as “pleasing to God”
might instead be a complex collection of cultural wishes pleasing to the
Western tradition.” (Jennings,
Kevin; 2005, One in Ten Teachers; Alyson Publications p. 78).
The Other Side
by
Louis Graham
I really don’t know how to write this message. I’m rather dismayed that the necessity of
this message is here in this denomination that I’ve come to think of as my own.
The morning my wife told me she was in love with
another woman will be forever burned in my mind. She knew it would hurt me and I know she
didn’t want to do that but it was something she could no longer deny.
In many ways God prepared me to hear the news. Several months before that fateful morning I
had come to the realization that God had put many different denominations with
different personalities to help his people come to know him. My Mother and most of my family are devout
Catholics and they like the structure. I
have a good friend in
Two or three months later I had a long discussion
with my conservative friend. We covered
many topics pertaining to religion. I
listened to his views about women in the church and the Bible verses he used to
support those views. I listened to his
view on homosexuality and the Bible verses he used to support those views. I listened to his views surrounding the
Rapture. While I did not agree with his
views, at least he was consistent. He
did not interpret the Bible using one set of rules for one issue and another
set of rules for another issue. He made
me look at what I believed and I did look.
I was able to form my beliefs before my emotions became involved. I thank God for that because without that
opportunity I don’t know what I would have done.
I don’t think it is surprising that most people
that know a gay or lesbian person who truly loves Jesus believe that Jesus’
love and grace is for everyone. I know
my wife. I know her strengths, her
weaknesses, the good and the bad. I know
with every fiber of my being that she sought God’s will before she made this
decision and I know she would not do anything that she thought was against his
will.
The data is clear.
Ignore the talking heads on both sides of the issue and look at the
data. The evidence shows there is a
strong genetic component to homosexuality; it is not simply a choice. I am a scientist, not a theologian, but I
believe God would not abandon someone for acting as he made them.
Finally, I ask you to look at the Bible. Interpret the Bible using the same rules for
each issue. Don’t use different rules to
make the results fit what you want instead of what God wants.
My Story
by
Ken Mahan , a Christian who
just happens to be gay…
My story begins in 1959 when I was born to Methodist parents, who
were born to Methodist parents – a real church going family. My mother’s family
lived “the church” - everyday. In fact the paneling in the
As I grew I realized that I was different. I was gay. I realized I
didn’t fit into the mold I was supposed to fit into. I stopped going to church.
I heard from the Pulpit that I didn’t belong. The Church which I was brought up
in – my family’s Church - didn’t want people, rather perverts, like me I was
taught.
Fast-forward to the
spring of 1995 –my 36th Birthday. Still single and very much in the
closet, I had dated women – only so people would not think I was gay, but I
never let a relationship get very serious. I would just explain my lack of
female companionship as, “I’ve just not found the right person”. That was an
honest statement. Gender-non-specific statements are the norm in a closeted gay
world. On that day I stood in front of the mirror and made the decision to stop
the charade. In staying closeted I was lying. Not only was it a lie, but I was
actually violating one of the Ten Commandments and breaking God’s Law. I was
lying to God, to me, to my family and to my friends. I was tired of the lies.
By the way, my family still loves me, I didn’t lose any of my friends and I
finally did find “the right person”.
Several years prior to that day, in 1991 I had started going to
church several Sundays a year. Rev Sterling Green at
In the fall of 1995
I met a man,
In 1998 I was asked
to be the Technical Director for the Peninsula-Delaware Annual Conference
Sessions. While the majority of the people on the Sessions Team knew that I was
gay, it wasn’t a regular topic of discussion. I was not outspoken and never
made a big deal about it. I also would not deny it when I was asked and if the
topic of homosexuality came up I spoke my mind. I wanted those I worked with to
be comfortable and I know that some of them would be neither comfortable nor
accepting.
Then in 2005 things
changed in “The Church”. The Rev. Beth Stroud, a lesbian in a covenant relationship
with another woman, came out of the closet, was charged and eventually stripped
of her clergy credentials by The United Methodist Church. That same year a
United Methodist Pastor in
“Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors” had somehow become nothing more that an unmeaning statement which
The United Methodist Church refuses to uphold with any sustenance. I felt betrayed.
While Epworth along with many other United Methodist Churches continued to keep
the promise of welcoming everyone, The United Methodist Church reaffirmed their
stance that gays are not worthy Christians by upholding these rulings. I get
the feeling that to many in the
I found myself in
hours of prayer and discernment, hours of prayer and tears, hours of anger and
disappointment. My church, my family’s church – your church, too – had let me
down and let me down miserably. Not only had they let me down, they reaffirmed
that sentiment which many of my gay non-church going friends feel in that there
is no room for them in the Christian community. The number one question I am
asked when I tell my gay friends that I am a “practicing Christian” is, “Why
would you waste your time going to a Church who doesn’t want you”? It has
become more difficult to answer them with my old answer, “Because I am a
Christian who happens to be gay”.
I decided that my
protest to The Church would be to withdraw my membership, my financial gifts as
well as my time and talent from The United Methodist Church. As of June 30,
2005, I withdrew my membership from and all affiliation with The United
Methodist Church. Making this break would mean that I would no longer be a
member of Epworth, a church and a community which I love dearly, a church and a
community which does live and love with open doors, open hearts and open minds
– in that order. Glen has not pulled his membership and I do still attend
Epworth – every chance I get.
I now dedicate my
resources toward working to open the doors of the church completely – not just
in word, but in action. I will no longer allow The United Methodist Church to
count me among their followers. I will no longer financially support a church
which says one thing, yet practices the opposite. I will no longer spend my
time and talent supporting a system which will allow one of their Pastors to
deny membership in the Body of Christ.
God has a way of
working in our midst. Just when closed minds slam a door shut, God opens a
window. In that same year, 2005, I was invited to attend a meeting – a meeting
with a group of Methodists who were struggling with the lack of support they
saw for the GLBT community, their families and their friends within the
So where do we go
from here? Since the rulings by the Judicial Council of The United Methodist
Church, many Bishops, Pastors, Lay Leaders and members of The United Methodist
Church have become outraged. Membership in the Reconciling Ministries Network
(www.rmnetwork.org) has grown at a record rate – and yes, Epworth has become
one of the new Reconciling Congregations – Praise the Lord! My question to you
is, “Why hasn’t your church taken a stand
and told the world that you too practice the ‘Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open
Doors’ policy of the
As for me and my
Spiritual Journey, fear not, I am still a faithful – God-loving – Christian, who just happens to be gay. And, “I’ll shout it from the mountain top
<PRAISE GOD>, I want the world to know” it’s time to open wide the
doors of the Church for all.
GRATEFUL
by
I am 42 and have been
happily “partnered” for 14 years. I grew up in very rural
From a
very early age I was a “tomboy” and my parents never discouraged that.
When I asked for sports equipment and cowboy boots, or a G.I.
Joe instead of a Barbie, my parents never tried to dissuade me, but accepted my
different interests. Looking back I now see what a tremendous gift they gave
me. Not unlike most teenagers, as my world expanded and changed, other things
came into my life to take up my time and attention. Slowly but surely, I
grew away from my church home. By the time I entered college I had left
organized religion all together. Of course, the operative words there are “I
left”. Up until that time I had never felt excluded or discriminated against or
disliked by the church, though I was having negative encounters elsewhere in my
life as I struggled with the “coming out” process.
I was
well into my twenties and living away from home when I decided to venture 
back into church.
Although I had been away for some time there were always people in my life
providing a connection—an invisible thread—that kept me in touch with my faith.
The mother of my college roommate, the couple I was a nanny for, the Catholic
priest who lived nearby, were all tangible evidence of God reaching out to me
even when I wasn’t reaching back. When I finally decided to “try” church again,
I was met with some unwelcoming remarks—direct and indirect, from the pews and
from the pulpit, some subtle and some that were like a slap in the face. If I
hadn’t had these “connectors” I probably would have given up on church and God,
altogether.
And I
also had my mother’s reassuring words. When I came out to her during
college, she struggled terribly at first. She cried desperately that first
day, but only after telling me how much she and my father both loved me.
Weeks later she sent me a letter that I still have. In the letter she says,
“Ask God to lead your way, wherever that may be. Trust that He will, and I will
do the same”. I was admittedly slow to take her advice, though she would
ask me often in those first few months: “Was I going to church? Was I talking
to a pastor? Was I praying?” It was only after she heard an anti-gay remark in
her own church that she understood my hesitation.
After a
few more uncomfortable, intimidating encounters, I simply gave up looking for a
church and settled for finding God and Christ wherever I could: in music or nature
or art, and that was okay. Yet something always seemed to be missing. When my
sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996, I thought about giving church
another try but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Through the course of
her illness, my sister was always on the attack, fighting for her very life;
reading up on treatments, questioning procedures, negotiating chemo doses so
she would bounce back quicker. She was her own best advocate and her courage
was amazing. I was going through her wallet looking for her insurance card
after one of her treatments when I stumbled upon another card that caught my
eye. On one side it read, “Courage is not the absence of fear. It is action in
the face of it.” On the reverse was Psalm 23.
In May
of 2004, my sister died. Two months later, I went looking for a church and was
blessed to find a wonderful congregation with two compassionate, accepting
pastors. So, my journey continues. I know there will be more challenges as the
greater church debates what is “compatible” and what is not, along with all the
other stuff. In the end, I will be okay. One of my favorite scriptures is from
Paul’s letter to the Romans where he writes:
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor
angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor
height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to keep us
from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39,
New Revised Standard Version)
I will be
okay because, I know that closed doors aren’t enough to hinder me. In the
end, the only one that can keep me from God and Christ is me.
My Story
by Rev. Chuck Walter
When I was a junior at Claymont High and my brother, two
years older than I, was a freshman at the
When I
started at UD in fall of 1975, there were posters all
over campus with the phrase, “Don’t live your life a lie” These had been placed
by the Gay Student Union and I couldn’t help but wonder if these messages had
been spread two years before, if that boy would still be alive. I met some gay/lesbian students and one who I
had known in high school became my roommate.
But I was conflicted.
I was involved with Campus Crusade for Christ and that group was
definitely anti-gay, basing their position on the oft-quoted Bible
passages. At that time, I couldn’t argue
with them intellectually, but in my heart I could never condemn those I knew to
an eternity to hell simply because they were attracted to and loved those of
the same sex. Over the years I have felt
that I had to either throw the Bible away in order to make room in God’s
kingdom for gays and lesbians, or else I had to stick to the Bible and let them
go to hell if they didn’t repent of their wicked ways. Neither way was satisfying to me
intellectually or emotionally.
I graduated from a conservative, evangelical,
interdenominational seminary where few students and even fewer faculty believed that the phrase “gay Christian” was
anything other than an oxymoron. One of
my first theology papers, from a choice given by the professor to the class,
was to write a letter to a Christian who was struggling with homosexual
feelings. I confess that I wrote this
paper with a point of view that would please my professor and convinced myself
of this anti-gay stance. It would take
time for my head to catch up to my heart.
I avoid controversy.
I absolutely loathe it. But when
it is said that a person cannot join the
IMAGINE
by Ruthann DeJuliis
Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Halleluiah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
“I can only imagine” by Mercy Me 1999
I grew up
in a small town where our church preached that God loved us and in gratitude we
were to turn from our wickedness. If we
didn’t turn from that wickedness, then perhaps we didn’t love God enough to
want to receive his love. Within my
family, there was a heavy hand of reinforcement for wickedness, and the love
was conditional. It is no wonder that as
I grew I concluded that the love of God the Father was also conditional, based
on my earning that love through my compliance to some obscure set of rules.
As an
adult, I discovered or perhaps was found by a far more loving God than that of
my childhood. Yet this is the voice of
God I hear in the scriptures, and I must conclude that I am loved
unconditionally. There is a commandment,
however, and that is “I command you to love each other in the same way that I
love you.” (John 15:12) This is the basis of grace for me, that I am
simply loved. Rather that that being
contingent on my gratitude or my ability to turn from my wickedness or even my
ability to stack up my good deeds, this love simply exists. Of course I should then treat others with at
least this same level of love and respect afforded to me.
I have as
a pediatric nurse learned how to love and care for the sick. It has taught me how to look at people, see
their pain and how to help relieve their suffering. The sick come in many shapes and
flavors. I care for children with diseases
like cancer or asthma or diabetes. I
care for children with horrid birth defects that severely limit their
lives. I care for teens that have
overdosed either accidentally or intentionally.
I have seen how a life threatening illness affects people and helps them
see what is true and what is important.
Sometimes it brings out the beauty in people. Other times their pain becomes a weapon
directed outwardly so that they can cope.
This is where knowing of the love of Jesus for me helps me to have love
for these people, so they in turn can see the love of Jesus for
themselves. It is the people who are
important during the crisis of a life threatening illness. These are the ones
Jesus came to meet and love.
In my
experience of the church’s struggle to deal with sexuality and faith, it seems
to me that this point has become lost.
Most frustrating for me is that it is people we choose not to see. Why is it that we as a church are the ones
creating orphans of people? Why is it
that we ourselves are silencing people whom we don’t agree with? A concept of Grace for All is that there is grace for all of us. I have myself struggled to find and accept
that grace in the presence of my own sins.
I find in talking to others that this is a common thread, one that can
bind us together. This is the hope I
have for our future together.
Historically as a group we have faced these issues, and yielding to the
Spirit we have been helped to see what is true and what is important.
I can
only imagine that day when we as a community stand before the presence of
God. What will I do? What will I say? I don’t know.
But what I do know is what I’ve done, and that is to have loved others,
as I have been loved.
A Child’s Faith Turned to Adult
Disappointment
by Susan Tanner
I know no other church then the
My experience with my local 
God. I have had incredible mentors
within the church who have helped me to grow as an individual and as a
Christian. I have watched my parents grow in their faith and relationship with
God and others within the Church.
And
over the past two years, I have watched my faith in the people of the
God made each and everyone of us. It really doesn’t matter
if He made each of us special or different.
All that should matter is that He made each of us. Sexual orientation is
no less a trait that you are born with then the color of your eyes, the color
of your skin, or the color of your hair. And honestly, even if it was
different, Jesus tells us to love everyone. Who are you or I to judge anyone
else? And by not allowing homosexuals into the membership of the
I am getting married in the
Printed copies of Silent Voices are available
by request.